


Unless it Should be With You

by Lynniethebeegirl



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Biting, Blood Drinking, F/F, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-02 19:24:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5260700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynniethebeegirl/pseuds/Lynniethebeegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla drabbles mostly Laura/Carmilla centric. Angsty, some nsfw.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It’s been weeks since they’ve seen another human. The bitter cold must have killed the ones in this region, or driven them south.

They hunker down in an old house, freezing but relatively watertight. Laura builds a fire in the hearth, and drags out an old mattress from one of the bedrooms, and Carmilla leaves to hunt. 

“Catch anything?”

“No.” Carmilla lowers herself to the floor, limbs shaking. She’d seen a few birds, a rabbit, but hadn’t been able to move fast enough to catch them. The seizures had taken over a few times, landing her in the snow, soaking her to the skin. It’s been nearly two weeks since she fed last.

“Carm, you’re soaked.” Laura unbuttons her coat, lifting her arms to remove her sweatshirt, the rest of her shirts. She hangs the sodden clothes by the fire and removes Carmilla’s boots and jeans.

Carmilla sits up slowly, head spinning. Laura wraps her in a blanket in front of the fire, and they sit there silent. Laura’s been eating the canned food they’ve been scavenging from the humans that have frozen to death, but Carmilla hasn’t been able to find anyone with a heartbeat. Animal blood can keep her alive for a few weeks, longer if she has enough of it, but months of this has weakened her. 

“You need to do it Carmilla.” Laura’s voice is soft but unyielding. This isn’t a question. “Even if it’s just a little bit. You said I was human enough.”

“It would hurt. I won’t hurt you.” Carmilla looks at Laura’s hand next to hers, the bones visible through the skin.

“Do you think this doesn’t hurt? Seeing you like this?” Laura’s voice shakes, and Carmilla can’t meet her eyes. “You’re dying.”

“It would weaken you. Someone could hurt you.” Carmilla doesn’t have any good reasons, just grasping at straws.

“Carm, we’re out of ammunition, and I’m not a big person. If you’re weak and someone attacks us I won’t be able to hold them off long. They could hurt you. Me. Both of us.” 

Carmilla closes her eyes, remembering all the times she’s almost lost Laura, all the times she’s been injured. Each one hurts.

“If you’re sure.” Carmilla’s voice is quiet. She’s never done this before, not since early at Silas. That was something she rarely did even before though. She’s always liked her victims screaming, flailing. It separated them from the humans she knew, made them seem less like people, more like the small animals she was forced to kill in periods of starvation.

Laura unwraps the scarf from her neck and pulls off her sweatshirt, sitting by the fire in her tank top, hair pulled away from her neck.

Carmilla hesitates, and Laura takes one of her hands, placing it against her neck. Her pulse is racing, and Carmilla almost moans when she feels Laura’s carotid artery fluttering against her thumb. 

She leans towards Laura, lips brushing her cheek, then her neck. Then pulls back.

“What’s wrong?” Laura touches her neck where Carmilla had been, oblivious to the tension in her body, and the smell of fear.

“You’re too tense.”

“Carm, I’ve seen you feed.” Laura says, pushing her hair back. “What’s wrong?”

“I…I don’t know.” Carmilla feels the fear deep in her gut. What if something goes wrong and Laura loses too much blood? What if the bleeding won’t stop?

“Hey, we’ll go slow then. No pressure.” Laura leans forwards, warmth radiating from her. “Just…do it when you feel ready, okay?”

“Okay.” 

When Laura kisses her Carmilla feels the fear dissipate, and she lets the blanket fall to the floor as Laura reaches for her. She drowns herself in the familiarity of it, the way Laura’s hands move across her, the small noises that both of them make.

***

Laura is lying on her back, Carmilla above her, one hand holding herself up, one hand between Laura’s legs. Laura’s pulse is racing, and Carmilla can almost see it beneath her skin, see the blood in her veins.

No. She can’t think about that. If she thinks she won’t be able to do it.

The quiet moan that Carmilla knows so well comes from Laura’s mouth, and Carmilla lowers herself to bite into Laura’s neck. The blood floods Carmilla’s mouth as Laura’s hips jerk against her hand.

Laura’s blood is sweet. Not sugary, not like Carmilla remembers tasting at Silas all those years ago. Just sweet and tangy, almost overwhelming her as it runs down her throat. There’s a subtle taste of adrenaline, less overpowering than in her victims, but it adds warmth. She only allows herself a few swallows, enough to get her through the next few days.

When Carmilla is done drinking, she presses her hand to the wound on Laura’s neck, relieved when the blood stops fairly quickly. Laura is still recovering, legs shaking, eyes closed. Carmilla kisses her forehead, and watches her chest rise and fall. Carmilla’s always treasures these moments, when they can be vulnerable, bare skin against bare skin. Helpless in each other’s arms.

Weakness is impossible in this new world of ice and ash, dropping your guard will get you killed. But this, Laura beneath her, skin flushed, breath shaky. She’s beautiful. But there’s blood, blood on her neck. And Carmilla had done that, she’d hurt Laura. 

“Hey.” Laura lifts a hand to cup Carmilla’s cheek. “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Usually you only cry when you’re on the receiving end.”

“Your neck, it’s bleeding.”

“I know.” 

They lay there, Laura wiping the tears away as they slide down Carmilla’s face. Carmilla desperately wants to lower herself down onto Laura and bury her face in the side of Laura’s neck, feel Laura’s arms around her, protecting her. But the wounds are on Laura’s neck, and she can’t protect Laura from herself.  
They sit by the fire, Carmilla cleaning the two small holes on Laura’s neck, putting bandages on them. Laura absently runs her fingers along Carmilla’s thigh, and when the bandaging is done, hooks a finger under the waistband of her underwear.

“Do you want to?”

“No.” Carmilla’s hands are shaking, and if she lets Laura take her she might break completely.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I don’t know.”

Laura wipes the blood from around Carmilla’s mouth, and helps her back to the mattress, covering her in all the blankets they have before crawling in behind her. Carmilla feels Laura’s arms around her, feels Laura’s warmth, the soft skin against her’s, Laura’s lips on the back of her neck. She begins to cry again, shaking against Laura, and Laura holds her tighter, whispering soft words of reassurance to her. She’s just fed off of her, she doesn’t deserve any of this. But Laura keeps holding her tight, and Carmilla begins to drift off into a dreamless sleep.

"I have been in love with no one, and never shall," she whispers, "unless it should be with you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny is dying from curses from the blade, Laf has recently been diagnosed with dementia. They both decide to end their own lives. Suicide trigger warning.

The room is cold and Laura curls up against Carmilla, shivering. 

“What do you think they’re doing right now? Do you think they’re…?”

“No.” Carmilla’s voice is soft in the darkness. “Laf said they we’re going to stay up and talk for a while.”

“What do you think they’re talking about?”

“I don’t know.”

“Perry?”

“Yeah. Probably.”

“They’re going to see her again.”

“Maybe.”

“Do Jewish people believe in life after death?”

“I don’t know. I think so.”

“Do you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think Noah is going to be there?”

“He wasn’t born yet when he died.”

“I know.”

They sit silently in an empty exam room at the hospital. Carmilla has some friends here, they check in occasionally, pretending it’s an observation period to make sure Laura’s heart is functioning properly. They’ll need the alibi after the deaths, to keep suspicion away from them. Laf had said it first, and forced Carmilla to make the arrangements to leave that night.

“A few days before she died she talked about him a little. She said she wished she could have held him, just once.” Laura whispers. She feels Carmilla’s hand tighten on her arm slightly. “She said Laf told her that you had some.”

“Vampires can bear children.”

“So you had kids, before?”

“Mother killed them before they were viable.”

“That’s awful.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does.”

“Not right now.”

“Later then.”

“Later.”

A nurse enters the room and takes Laura’s blood pressure and checks the pulsox she’s hooked up to. It’s almost a lie, as Laura’s heart has stayed in exactly the same condition it was in when she received Carmilla’s blood, but the motion is comforting. Many of her memories from before Silas feature doctor’s offices and hospitals. It reminds her of being human.

Laf had gotten the poison from the lab. Laura had driven them across town to get it, a small bottle of clear liquid. She’d watched as they calculated, and then measured out the correct dosage for both of them.

“I made it after Perry died. If the curses caught up with Danny I wanted her to have the option to end it.”

Laura had been silent. She’d seen how painful Perry’s last few days had been, and had no desire to see the same thing happen with Danny.

“The dose should be high enough to kill us fairly quickly. We’ll lose consciousness within half an hour, and be gone right after. No pain.”

Laf had continued to speak, and Laura had wondered if they were trying to comfort her, or to justify their actions to her. Or to themselves.

“How long ago was Laf diagnosed?” Carmilla’s voice breaks through the haze of memories.

“A few weeks. They started forgetting names of people and places. It was one of the earliest symptoms with their dad.”

“How did Danny take it?”

“She cried.”

There’s silence again. Laura glances up at the clock.

“Do you think they’re gone?”

“I don’t know.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that I haven't updated recently. The holidays have been crazy. Trigger warning for death/descriptions of dead bodies.

Carmilla’s hand is holding hers gently, rubbing tiny circles across her skin. This is it. Laura stares at the closed door, unsure of what to do. They’re in there. No, they’re gone. 

Laura twists the doorknob and steps into the room. It’s quiet. Too quiet.

They’re lying side by side, hands tangled together on top of the blanket. Asleep. No. Not asleep. Laf’s head is resting against Danny’s shoulder, and Danny’s head is tipped towards them, the ghost of a smile still on her face. 

The cups they’d drunken from are neatly stacked on the nightstand, and a scrap of paper with a time scribbled on it is next to it. 

Laura wants to cry, but can’t. Crying is what you do when the people you love die. She can’t though.

Carmilla releases her hand, and Laura sits on the edge of the bed, beside Danny. Not Danny. What used to be Danny. Lined face, long gray hair tied back in a braid. She’s almost exactly as she had been the last time Laura had seen her, but she’s relaxed, the pain gone from her. 

Laf is different, and Laura doesn’t think she’s ever seen them that still. They’d always been running around, investigating mysteries, trying to find answers. Even sitting still they’d been animated, talking about schemes and inventions, typing on their laptop. 

The last few weeks had been painful for Danny, and Laura had seen Laf worn down, trying to hold themselves together. They’d spoon fed Danny when she was too weak to feed herself. Brushed and braided her hair every morning. Laura and Carmilla had helped where they could, but Laf had insisted on doing most of the work. 

Laf had cried when they’d found a forum on medically assisted suicide left up on Danny’s laptop. They’d cried standing in the hallway, staring at Laura, whispering again and again that they should know her name. Laura wonders if they’d cried when they told Danny they were going with her.

Both of them are gone. Both of them are dead and Laura should cry. She should, but she can’t. She can’t bring herself to touch them, and she can’t cry.

She reaches across Danny to where their hands are clasped together and hesitates, the idea of their cold skin making her stomach flip.

The mattress dips, and Carmilla’s arms slide around her. 

They’re dead and they’re gone and Laura can’t remember how to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know where I'm going with this fic document so if you want me to write anything specific put it in the comments. I was thinking of doing something smutty next but if you have any other ideas tell me.


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